Thoughts on my first half century

Since I turned 49 on 09/09/09 I've been looking 50 straight in the face. It's hard to ignore such a milestone and I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about it. First and foremost, I'm grateful to be here to celebrate this day. It sure beats the alternative.

I am blessed beyond measure. I have a wonderful family, both the one I grew up in and the one I have created. I have an amazing church home where I have grown in my personal relationship with Jesus Christ through various ministries. Through my church I have developed amazing friendships, some close and some not as close, but I know I could count on each and every one of them in times of trouble or need.

Am I where I once thought I would be at this age? Absolutely not!! I really believe God does laugh as we make our plans. But I am so grateful that He knows what is best and His spirit has led me to follow His will.

So, at this late hour as I watch a tractor beam movie alone in the dark I choose to start my 50th birthday by counting my blessings. I'm sure this will not be a comprehensive list, and I may add to it later just for me, but these things are on my heart at this moment:

• Salvation in Jesus Christ. No matter what I have done or will do, I lean on the promise that Christ did what I could not do. He lived a perfect life and then sacrificed it for my sins so that I could spend eternity with Him in heaven. Thank you, Jesus!!
• A Christian husband, Stacy, who is my best friend, confident, accountability partner, lover, and leader of our family. Stacy has chosen to accept his role as the spiritual leader of our home and our family is greatly blessed by this. Thank you, Stacy! I love you, respect you, and look forward to sharing whatever plans God has in store for the rest of our journey.
• My sweet children:
• Christian: I love you and I'm so proud of you and your ministry. I know it hasn't played out like you would have wanted, and change is difficult, but stay faithful to God's plan for your life and He will work it all together for good. You are a wonderful husband and an amazing father. Remember that leading your family is more important than leading your congregation and everything will work itself out.
• Mark: I can't believe my baby boy is a husband and finishing his last year at seminary. I'm so proud of you and love you very much. Your best man gave you great advice at your reception. Listen to him! You are an amazing artist and thinker. I am in awe of you.
• Hannah: My sweet Hunan Hurricane. Your highs are so high and your lows are low. You have the best smile ever and I love your love for life. Thank you for letting me be your mommy. I love you!
• Sarah: You came to our family for a couple of weeks and get to stay forever. I am overwhelmed by the circumstances that brought you to our family. Even more miraculous is how it seems that you have always been here. It won't be long until it is official, but in my heart you are completely my daughter. I love you!
• April: I can't hardly call you my daughter in law. That makes it seem like I'm legally bound to love you. The truth is I couldn't love you more. It is an absolute priviledge to be your mother in law. You are wonderful wife and mother. I love you!
• Lauren: Welcome to the family! I can't wait to grow closer to you, but I love you like my own child already. Thank you for loving Mark! I love you!
• Elijah: I miss you sweet boy! I wish we lived closer, but Mimi thinks of you and prays for you every day. You are a special little boy and so much fun to be around. I love you!
• Baby Wood: I can't wait to meet you. You have terrific parents and Elijah will be a great big brother. See you in February! I love you and are praying for you as you grow in you mommy's womb.
• Mom and Dad: You celebrated your 50th wedding anniversary this year and not many couples can say that. You brought me to faith and have encouraged me along my path. I love you!
• My siblings: Darcy, Ray, Jimmy, Chris and Tracy ~ I love you all very much. What a blessing it is to have brothers and sisters to celebrate with and make memories with.
• Friends: There is know way to list them all, but God created us for community. And each of you has blessed me with your friendship, caring, and prayers. I know I could count on you for anything and that brings joy and peace to my life. I love each of you!

I have the best job in the world ~ being Hannah and Sarah's full time mommy. I also get to do some work for a friend I went to kindergarten with. I don't miss wearing suits and stockings and carrying a briefcase. I hope that God continues to bless us so that I can stay home with the girls and be active in their school life and at church.

Not what I had plannned or expected my life to be at this point? Absolutely! Would I trade God's plans for what I had planned? Absolutely not!! I'm right where God wants me to be in this season and I'm so glad I have (so far) been obedient to His calling.

I am blessed!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

My Eleven Little Secrets

My friend Mark over at {grow} always inspires me and yesterday wrote a post with his 11 little secrets to his approach to life that help him achieve peace in his heart and mind. He took the challenge from another blogger and many have followed suit. I've wanted to get back into blogging for a while now and this was the inspiration I needed to get started. I can't promise anything about the regularity of my blogging going forward, although I do want to, but I can promise that what follows comes from the heart. These ideas help me form my priorities and keep focused on what I believe are the keys to joy and contentment in my life. I don't always meet my own expectations, but I continue to strive, day by day and moment by moment, to remember who I am and whose I am in my perfectly imperfect way.

Father + Spirit + Jesus. I am a woman of faith. I know that I am a redeemed daughter of the Father, inspired by the Spirit to live my life in response to what Jesus Christ did for me [and you] on the cross.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8,9 NIV

I respect and submit to my husband. (gasp) That's a tough pill for a lot of women to swallow. It was for me, too, in my first marriage to my abusive husband. But, God blessed me with a wonderful Christian man in my current marriage. We have been married almost 17 years and, truthfully, I can don't need much more than one hand to count the times we have even raised a voice at each other. Now, I am no door mat. I'm educated, opinionated and assertive. I make my feelings and opinions known when necessary. But, I don't sweat the small stuff and have learned that being right isn't worth disrespecting my husband. Do you know what is more important to a man than sex? Respect!! If you want your husband to love you, support you, spoil you then treat him with respect. The husband is ordained by God as the spiritual head of the household. Who am I to interfere with God's plan? Besides, his job is much harder...to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Wow! I only have to submit and respect him. He is supposed to live a sacrificial life for me, even giving up his own life to protect mine. Girls, I think we got off easy. :)

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24 NIV

There is no more important [or harder] job than raising your children well. The hardest job I've ever had is the one I have now: a full-time stay at home mother. In the 50's I would have been called a housewife. I think there is significance to the change in title. Parenting is tough work. Each stage brings its own joys and challenges. I have two grown sons and a 4 year old daughter. My husband and I will be licensed soon to foster to adopt from foster care. We are good at being parents and feel that God is calling us to parent more children. I think God is crazy sometimes, but I pray to know His will and allow Him to direct my steps. And I rest in the knowledge that God always equips those that He calls. My God is faithful so there is peace in taking these leaps of faith.

Train up a child in the way he should go: even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 ESV

Joy. One of the great blessings of young children is the freedom to act like a kid again myself. My daughter is 4-1/2 [can't forget the 1/2 :)] and my grandson is 2-1/2, although he lives in another state. Children laugh and play and act silly with total abandon and don't even know or care who's watching. Hannah is a constant reminder to take joy in as many moments in the day as possible, to appreciate the simple things and to play. I don't think youth is wasted on the young. I think the young have it right. Our days are numbered. Shouldn't we live as if we know that? I try to.

Be joyful always... 1 Thessalonians 5:16 NIV

I pray. Prayer is not just something I do everyday. It's something I do all day. I pray long prayers, short prayers, bullet prayers, while driving, walking, cooking. I live a life of prayer. I keep prayer lists and journals, flag e-mails with prayer requests, and yes....I even pray out loud....in front of people. I prayed as I began this post. I know a lot of wonderful prayer warriors that are much better at praying than I am and I am grateful for their example. I try not to worry about whether or not I get all my thoughts organized or if I get tongue tied on my words. Why? Because God doesn't care about my words. He cares about my heart.

Pray continually...  1 Thessalonians 5:17 NIV

I'm thankful. For my faith, my family, my health, nature, flowers, relationships, friends. The list goes on. At the end of each day I take an inventory. I think about mistakes and apologies I may owe, but I focus on the good in my life. I am one blessed woman and making a habit of counting those blessings puts a smile on my face and centers me.

Give thanks in all circumstances...  1 Thessalonians 5:18a NIV

I'm content.  In 2004 God called me to adopt our daughter in China. He called my husband to work at our church for 1/2 his salary. We obeyed both. We sold the Mustang GT convertible, Navigator and Harley Davidson motorcycle to eliminate the car payments and finance the international adoption. We cut cable, the land line, and the wine budget. We chose to live differently. And we don't miss a thing. Except maybe the convertible on a beautiful spring day. :) I am content.

I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. Philippians 4:11b NLT

What I'm doing in 5 years is none of my business. It's God's business. Now, that doesn't mean I don't plan and learn and grow. I have goals as a Christian, woman, wife and mother. But I remain flexible in my plans to allow for God's redirection. No matter who wonderful my plans are, His plans for me are always better.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Serve others. This isn't just about giving back or paying forward, although those things are certainly included. Service is what I am called to do. What God created me to do. I am God's masterpiece! Isn't that amazing? And before I was born he had planned good things for me to do. Works do not secure my salvation. Works are my response to an active faith. It's living my faith. Currently, I mentor younger mothers in my Mother of Preschoolers group, where I serve as Prayer & Care Coordinator, work registration for vacation bible school (over 1200 kiddos!), and facilitate a Christ-centered recovery group. It's wonderful to see God's fingerprints all over the lives of others and serving keeps me focused outside of myself.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 NLT

Accountability. At my core I am shy and insecure. I've struggled with low self-esteem most of my live. I have come to realize that my worth doesn't come from what I think of me or what others think of me. My worth comes from what God thinks of me and He thinks enough of me to have sent His only Son to die for my sins. Wow! I must be pretty spectacular. :) I surround myself with wonderful Christian friends, mostly women but a few men, that call me on my crap. And I do the same for them. We were created for community. And I live in a wonderful community.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 4:16 NIV

I need to let my right brain tell my left brain to shut up. I'm a CPA by education and examination. And I fit the type. I like order and precision, right and wrong, black and white. But there is a strong need in me to be creative. I've learned that I don't have to be perfect and to appreciate the things that I create whether it's scrap booking, quilting, counted cross stitch or crochet. I'm a happy person when I allow myself time in my girl cave.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Well...there is my top eleven little secrets and they are, more or less, in order of importance to my happiness and well being. I'd love to hear yours!

I'm back!

Which may be good or bad, but my sweet friend Robyn has been bugging me to dust the cobwebs off my blog, but I just haven't been in a blogging mood lately. Robyn is always sending me all kinds of things from the internet and today she sent one that made me laugh for more then 5 minutes until tears were rolling down my face. I figured that I wasn't the only one who could use a good laugh so at the risk of offending some of you I'm posting the photo here in the hopes that at least one of you gets a good laugh from it.

WHERE PUMPKIN PIE COMES FROM:

I can't believe Christian is 26!

Just to be fair.....Christian, my wonderful first born, turned 26 on July 9th. Here he is with Elijah, who I can't believe is almost 2. I love you, Christian and I'm very proud of you!

The Scrapbooking Factory

Robyn always points me in the right direction and just introduced me to the Scrapbooking Factory. Jane has an on-line store and is here in San Antonio. She is having a give away of some new Bo Bunny papers if you leave a comment on her site. Take a gander over there....she has lots of pretties!

Shhhhh....we are going back to Disney World....

AND HANNAH DOESN'T KNOW!!! We don't plan on telling her until she figures it out herself on the day we leave. One: because there are too few real surprises left in life. Two: because she has asked every day since we came home from our trip in March if we could go back to Disney World, so she would be unbearable this time counting the days. Last time, I made a countdown sheet with my Cricut Mickey cartridges, but she really didn't grasp what "going to Disney World" meant. But this time that's not the case.

Today she asked again if we could go to Disney World. I said sorry we can't. She asked if we could go today. No, Hannah. For my birthday. No, Hannah. Then she asked again and I told her that it was expensive and that is why Daddy works so hard so we could save money to go to Disney World again. She then told me that she had a GREAT IDEA! Since it was expensive we could ask Uncle Toby to buy us tickets. "Isn't that a great idea, Mom?" I could barely contain the laughter. You gotta love the way a 4 year old mind works!

I can't believe Hannah is 4!!!

Seriously...how did that happen? It seems like it was just yesterday that we met a nearly helpless little baby in China and now she's a girl. All grown up and ready to start pre-K in a month. It's happening much to fast for me.

I'm a bit emotional today. This is the time of year, more than other times of the year, when I recognize dates that brings memories and feelings to the forefront. Things that Hannah will eventually think are important ...or not... that tug at my mother heartstrings.

• When I was looking at the stars in the crystal clear night sky in Kerrville on Saturday I wondered if Hannah's birthmother was looking at the same summer sky. Why did she have to give her up? Does her heart ache? Does she have some sense of peace thinking that Hannah is in a good home in the US?
• I don't know what time Hannah was born. I don't even really know what day she was born. The orphanage doctor estimated her age at 1 week old when she was found at the orphanage gate on July 30th, but there was no note so we don't know for sure. The time (or day) is not really that important, but I always tease the boys that I will call them at the time of their birth (both in the middle of the night) like Billy Crystal's mom in "City Slickers." So it's just another difference between Hannah and her brothers, birth children and their adopted sibling.
• Will I know when it's the right time to talk to Hannah about these things? Will I be able to answer her questions? Will I have loved her enough that she can handle the answers? I hope so....I pray so.

Hannah is her own little person and will most definitely decide for herself what is and is not important to her, so I don't spend time worrying about such things. But today on her birthday and next week on the date she was found I spend some time reflecting. The one thing I know for sure is that I thank God every day for the call He placed in my heart for a daughter in China; for the faithfulness of a godly husband who also accepted God's call; and for the privilege I have to mother Hannah, my "spicy girl." Happy birthday, Hannah! I love you!

Three years ago today

On Monday, May 15, 2006 we met our precious Hannah for the first time. It was a very quiet ride from the hotel to the Civil Affairs office for the ten families in our travel group. That was unusual for us. We walked into the room and our babies were already there, each sitting in the lap of a different travel nanny. They had about a 4 hour ride to get to Changsha that morning. We all stood on one side of the room trying to pick out our daughters. They were wearing new outfits, heavy quilted tops and matching split pants, which seemed inappropriate to us for the heat, and matching bright pink shoes.

You would think you would know your own daughter after staring at her picture for 2 months, but the photos we were given had been taken at the beginning of December and it was now the middle of May. Babies change a lot in 6 months! I thought I knew which baby was our Hannah, but guarded my heart until one of the grandfathers with us, who speaks Chinese, went up to the nannies and started asking names. When I knew for sure she had my whole heart and the tears started flowing.

The day before had been Mother's Day in the US and with the 13 hour time change (China is 13 hours ahead of Texas) it was still "technically" Mother's Day when we met Hannah at 10am in the morning. Hannah cried (read screamed) and was very scared. The head nanny said she was afraid of strangers. She kept looking for her nanny. My heart broke for her, but I knew she would be okay. Stacy called her "Hurricane Hannah" because she was crying so hard.

Hannah grieved for a few days with terrible night terrors, which continued some for the first couple years home. On the fourth day we went on a tour of the countryside. Hannah had not been interacting with us at all or eating very much. She took a long nap while we were walking around and then woke up on the bus a changed girl: eating, playing, laughing. That night for dinner she was sitting in Stacy's lap and reached across for me. After that day, Hannah would not have anything to do with a Chinese person and would get upset if they came too close. We were her family now.

God has given me an awesome privilege by allowing me to be Hannah's mother. It's not always easy, but it's (almost) always fun. She is such a smart, funny, sweet, loving little girl. And just to remind me of this precious day three years ago, "Hurricane Hannah" just had a 45 minute temper tantrum because it wasn't her turn to push the elevator button. Some things never change, and I thank God for that!

Happy Adoption Day, Hannah!

My Girl Cave

My girl cave is a very special gift from my sweet husband Stacy. After Mark moved out to attend seminary, Stacy offered to paint my room any way I wanted. Well, being the purple girl I picked, of course, the darkest, richest purple paint. I used the paint picking program on Lowe's website to find a trim and ceiling color that coordinated. Stacy also painted the dresser/shelves, filing cabinet and desk (now in the playroom) for me. I found curtains that match the paint exactly. Two triple bulb floor lamps light the room (I use daylight compact fluorescence and no...it's not too dark to work with that lighting.) Besides, purple is supposed to stimulate creativity. The walk in closet holds additional bins for my cross stitch, gift wrapping, books, decor, and other craft items. The tables and large shelving unit slide into the closet when guests are here so that this room can function as a guest room when needed. I love having a place where I can leave my projects and not have to spend so much time getting things out and putting them away. I had just cleaned up after finishing Hannah's life book....it isn't always this neat. I love my girl cave!

Hannah's Lifebook

This Friday is the 3rd anniversary of Hannah's adoption. I made it a goal to complete a pre-school level lifebook to give her as a gift for her adoption day. She absolutely loves to look at the scrapbook I made of our trip to China, especially the pages of the day we met, so I'm sure she'll like her lifebook.

In case you don't know what a lifebook is, it is a book that tells the story about an adopted child's life before they joined their forever family. Because she is so young, and because I made an "alphabet" book, it this book also includes things about China and Hannah's first day's with her family. Some pages also include pictures of Hannah not related to the topic that are some of my favorite photos of her just because she does love to look at pictures of herself and, in the end, this lifebook is meant to help her be proud of who she is. I also used as much appropriate scripture as possible (faithbooking) so that Hannah knows how much God loves her and will learn to see His hand in making us a forever family.

Eventually, I will make a book that deals with the really tough issues like China's "one child" policy and abandonment, etc., but for now this book is just to familiarize Hannah with adoption language and to be a jumping off point for questions she may have as she gets older. It's tough as a mother to know that she will have more questions than I have answers, but the best I can do is to be open and prepared to answer her questions the best that I can. I'm hoping this lifebook will help.

Daughters of the King Banquet

My sweet friend Shirley invited a group of us to the Daughters of the King Banquet at her church. Kristy and Kyle were the speakers and did a wonderful job with their presentation and music. Their love for the Lord is evident and obvious. It was a wonderful evening of fellowship with my sisters in Christ.

Irma and Alicia

Robyn and Me

Kyle, Kristy, Robyn and Shirley
Great presentation!!